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Another little girl came to this insane world today. My sister gave birth to my neice today. But somehow I am unable to rejoice. Where do I go and who do I share this with? Who understands the intensity of what I feel right now. Everyone who does or could or would is far away. For others its just something that happened.
Imagine an entire new human being. Complete, 10 toes, two beautiful eyes to see the world with, softly curling hair, a smiling toothless mouth, delicate delicate skin, a miracle of a mind, a tiny heart beating at an incredible speed. She is breathing right now thousands of miles from me. And just like Kuhu I cannot see her, touch her, smell her. I cannot hold my sister's hand.
This is homesickness. The suffocating impotence of the inability to share, to reconnect, to see. Someone told me today, never mind these days it doesn't matter if it's a girl.
But it does you see. Otherwise why did they need to mention it. I did not think of it. I am the second born girl. I don't believe my father needed to be consoled for me. And other than what the world imposes on me for no reason, it actually does not matter. I love my father like a son would, I will protect my mother like a son would, I would provide for them but my father does not need me to. I have ambitions like a son, I married like a son by my own choice and as a collective result of my experience, education, aesthetics and background if we have to be superficial.
So will she I promise. So will both of them. Because their parent will hold them cupped in their palms and hold them up to live fulfilling and adventurous lives. Because they are precious. Because they are mine.
Imagine an entire new human being. Complete, 10 toes, two beautiful eyes to see the world with, softly curling hair, a smiling toothless mouth, delicate delicate skin, a miracle of a mind, a tiny heart beating at an incredible speed. She is breathing right now thousands of miles from me. And just like Kuhu I cannot see her, touch her, smell her. I cannot hold my sister's hand.
This is homesickness. The suffocating impotence of the inability to share, to reconnect, to see. Someone told me today, never mind these days it doesn't matter if it's a girl.
But it does you see. Otherwise why did they need to mention it. I did not think of it. I am the second born girl. I don't believe my father needed to be consoled for me. And other than what the world imposes on me for no reason, it actually does not matter. I love my father like a son would, I will protect my mother like a son would, I would provide for them but my father does not need me to. I have ambitions like a son, I married like a son by my own choice and as a collective result of my experience, education, aesthetics and background if we have to be superficial.
So will she I promise. So will both of them. Because their parent will hold them cupped in their palms and hold them up to live fulfilling and adventurous lives. Because they are precious. Because they are mine.
1 comments:
yehaaaaah! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! RIGHT THAT YOU SAY THAT IT IS AN INSANE WORLD BECAUSE EVEN BEFORE REALIZING THAT A NEW WONDERFUL, GRACIOUS LIFE IS BORN; PEOPLE START QUESTIONING ABOUT THE GENDER WHICH IS AN ASPECT OF IDENTITY THAT RELATES TO A HUMAN BEING. OUR IDENTITY IS DEFINED BY THE TERMS AND VALUES WE SET FOR OURSELVES AND NO MATTER WE ALL SHARE A COMMON GOAL OF DIVINE EMANCIPATION SO WHAT MATTERS IS THE KIND OF HUMAN BEING WE AIM FOR AND ACHIEVE TO BECOME
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